I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard someone say this about boys, usually in the context of toddler boys. As a mom of an almost preschool age boy and a preschool age daughter, I’ve known from early on that boys and girls are different. Very different, especially emotionally. Somehow (in the midst of my latest book binge) a copy of Dr. Bonnie Macmillan’s Why Boys are Different and How to Bring Out the Best in Them (Barron’s, 2004), made its way into my reading stack. A fascinating read. So interesting in fact, that I can’t understand why there aren’t any book reviews for it on Amazon.

Macmillan goes beyond just talking about genes in explaining boy behavior. She dives into boy communication, emotions, behavior, and takes a good look at environmental influences on behavior, including the impact of the mother-son dynamic. In simple language, Macmillian provides refreshing tips and solutions for bringing out the best in a boy.

The short discussion on “Mothers and Sons”–a combo talk on genetics, socialization, psychology–alone is worth grabbing a copy of the book. If anything, as food for thought. For example, MacMillan outlines three common mistakes mothers can make with boys:

1. Mishandling hurt feelings. Mothers tend to stress feelings, “their [own] feelings” (e.g., “you will hurt my feelings” if…) when dealing with misbehavior, and young boys may be less capable of empathizing with their mothers because of their need to preserve the ego.

2. Underestimating independence. Mothers are sometimes over-eager to help. This can backfire, especially when a boy misbehaves and mom wants to “improve” his behavior.

3. Betraying trust. Macmillian suggests that thoughtless comments or actions which betray trust, and might be more easily forgiven by a girl, can contribute to lasting trust issues for boys.

This book suggests that there is indeed something behind the expression boys will be boys–and in the long run it may prove worthwhile to understand why, especially if it leads to bringing out the best in a child.

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